Saturday, January 19, 2013

Sports I bet Jesus would have played.

A continued train of thought from the wrestling post. Also, an excellent conversation-starter you could use if the date isn't going well.

Sports I bet Jesus would have played: 

Football. (AMERICAN football. Plz. This is the promised land.) Obviously, a natural first choice as football is the South's #1 most popular sport and #4 most popular religion. Additionally, football is built upon a strong tradition of Christianity– because we aren't Hailing Mary out there for nothing, amiright?

Quidditch. Seek, and ye shall find. 

Figure skating, Luge, and most other Canadian "sports." Low on the aggression, high on the meekness.

Cross Country. They're just happy guys roaming about in the wilderness, doing their thing and causing no harm to anyone else. Kinda like John the Baptist.

Ultimate Frisbee. I say this because there's no way Mormon kids could have latched on to this one of their own free will without some sort of divine recommendation.

Polo. Horses are pretty close to donkeys, and we know He likes those.

Hockey. Because NHL players are arguably the nicest professional athletes in the world, because it's a miracle the lockout is over, and because it's a very beard-friendly sport.

And don't even start on what wikipedia calls Mind Sports, like chess. I mean, can you only imagine??

Sports I bet Jesus would not have played: 

Wrestling (for aforementioned reasons.) Or boxing, cage fighting, martial arts, etc.

The Hunger Games. Like, if it was a competition to see who could fast the longest, He would definitely win.
But if it was about killing your peers, He would have died for other people– even the bad guys. (How does that make you feel, Katniss?)

Swimming. Obviously, He was not interested.

That's all I've got off of the top of my head. 
–Please provide additional insights with scriptural justifications.–


  1. Hahahah my favorite part about this post: "Swimming. Obviously, He was not interested." Lauren, I love your blogs, they kill me! When you're on your mission please send your family blog posts in emails so that they can post them on here and we don't have to go a year without your wonderful witticism (is that a word?).

    1. Kailee, I love you so much– and not just because you use "you're" and "your" correctly. I wasn't planning on having a mission blog (because who reads those after the first week?) but now I feel myself succumbing to peer pressure. So yes. Don't you fret, little kitten. **** :3

  2. Or maybe He WOULD have "played" swimming and been really really really good at it and He would win every race.... For the aforementioned obvious reasons.

    Miss you and your wonderfulness in the ward. I'm gonna give you a call sometime this week and say hi and see how you're doing before you go off to do incredible things in the Spanish language and I become limited to letters.

  3. Drinking Games. You know that's what all that water to wine business was all about. John 2:1-11