Friday, October 16, 2015

An afternoon dialouge between me and my brain

Me: *2:30 pm. Feels stressed, pauses studying to consult with Brain.*
Hey Brain, today is October 16th, which means finals are less than 2 months away.

Brain: Wow! Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I will fixate on this piece of information and not let it out of my sight again until they are over.

Me: Haha thank you so much for your diligence, but that's really not what I'm asking-- just letting you know so you can help me plan accordingly.

Brain: Finals are less than 2 months away.

Me: Right. So, how can we work with this?

Brain: Finals are less than 2 months away. Plus, while we're at it, you don't know what you're doing with your life.

Me: That is very true and also not helpful right now.

Brain: You are late getting your resume out. And you are critically behind on your substantial writing. Also it looks like outlining is not going well for you, yeah?

Me: I KNOW I KNOW can you please come up with something I can accomplish?

Brain: Mmmm... last week you didn't eat any sugar? That's something.

Me: Yes! It was actually more complicated than expected, but I slept wonderfully-- I could do that again.

Brain: Awesome. Speaking of the future, you could end up unhappily married. Or die alone. Or have a good spouse but because you married at age 40, all of your children have severe mental handicaps and you will spend the rest of your life as a caretaker, which you better not dread or else that means you hate handicapped people. There are just so many things that could happen, really.

Me: FSDKOEWOE$@()#5FDOLFWEP% FINE FORGET I SAID ANYTHING I'LL JUST OUTLINE SOME MORE.

Brain:
Finals are less than 2 months away.

1 comment:

  1. Hahah, Laur, this made me laugh so hard. My brain tells me the same thing about children too. ...Sometimes my brain is a real jerk.

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