Goodbye, Braces and Wisdom Teeth

This is my almost-15-year-old sister Tori. 

Isn't she a babe?!?

She came home from the orthodontist yesterday with a radiant, braces-free smile. As it were, she was the second one in our family to have some dental work done that morning. Because I was the first. 

"Oh, you wanna take my picture, too??" Classy, Lauren. 

My mom told me to open my mouth so she could see the stitches or whatever. This is what happened. 

  I was on nitrous oxide for the procedure. Having memorized the soundtrack to Little Shop of Horrors in high school, I was feeling pretty prepared. But it's different when you are in there. 

After I had been on the gas for a few minutes (and thankfully, gotten through the laughing stage without anyone else around), Cory the dental assistant popped his head back in. 

"How're we doing in here?" 

"Mmmmhmmmm" I said. Come on, Cory- don't you know the cardinal rule of dentistry is to only ask yes/no questions? 

"Hey, she's pretty drunk," he said, talking to Mike the oral surgeon and not me. 

Dang it, that was a test. 

"Get her mom in here; she'll have to sign it. I mean, we could have her sign it... but that's probably not ethical at this point." 

"Take two deep breaths." 

I breathed.

"Wow, that's an understatement." 

You know what, Cory? I heard that! I am not a drug addict- I am just following my doctor's orders and happen to have a well-trained diaphragm! 

They had to give me extra anesthetic injections near the end, so when I came home my face was still quite numb for a few hours- which was really inconvenient as I was a very hungry caterpillar. 

Feeding myself was like feeding an 8 month old child, as my sister Megan documented so well.

[This video is pretty gross- mostly because I'm eating refried beans. My first instinct was to delete this from the camera right away, but then I thought- this is the kind of thing that makes other people feel really good about themselves. So here's to you, person having a bad day! Watch this and feel your self-esteem rise up like something that rises very easily!]

What I Wish I Had Known Prior To This Experience: Regardless of what it may say on the bottle, painkillers and food do not mix well. Now you have been warned. Go, therefore, and warn your neighbor. 

This post has taken an abnormally long time to write because I can't go more than a couple hours without a lengthy nap on my parents' bed. Like right now. Eat a popsicle and think of me. And my sister, who no longer has braces.