Saturday, February 2, 2013

2 Truths & A Lie

When playing "Two Truths and A Lie," I usually come up with "One Truth and Five Lies." I am writing this post just for myself– so next time I am introduced to a large group of strangers and forced to play this game, I will have an arsenal full of many interesting truths to tell. And more lies.

TRUTHS
  • My family lived in a trailer for a little while.
  • I made it through all of high school and one year of college before I had to buy a backpack.
  • Bill Clinton wrote me a letter.
  • I stood a foot away from the Jonas Brothers once– they walked over to use the Port-a-Potty that I was right next to. But I couldn't say anything to them, because I was dressed as a clown at the time. Literally. A clown. With face paint. And I was holding a clarinet.
  • More than once, I have gotten the cops called on me while delivering brownies to people's homes.  
  • Los Potros is my favorite restaurant in Chattanooga because they have the most complicated menu possible and a mural featuring a three-legged steed.
  • I once won a prize with my friend in a BYU-sponsored newlywed game. Um, yeah. We made up an elaborate love story and competed as a married couple. The free smoothie tasted of guilt.
  • I've held hands with Dean Thomas. (yes, THE Dean Thomas.)
  • I accidentally died my hair jet black because I got too caught up in an episode of Say Yes to the Dress while the dye was setting. (If you think it probably didn't look that bad, you are kind but wrong.)
  • Also accidentally, I started an internet rumor that mainland China was opening for LDS missionary service.

LIES THAT ARE SO GOOD, SOMETIMES EVEN I THINK THEY'RE TRUE
  • I was in a straight-to-video movie when I was 12. It was called Second Chance Ranch and the script was terrible– but I got to ride horses, so it was really fun to shoot. 
  • I once got my arm stuck in a vending machine.
  • I can see people's auras if they're really strong. Warm colors are easiest; I've only seen blue twice.
  • I have eaten squirrel stew at a neighborhood cookout. (It wasn't on purpose– but by the time I found out, it was too late.)
  • Technically, my name is spelled the boy way: L-O-R-E-N. But after my kindergarten teacher called me "young man" for the first three days of school, I begged my parents to let me change it. And they did. 
  • I am facebook friends with the manager of the Hobby Lobby in Ooltewah, Tennessee.  
  • Switchfoot's entire Meant to Live album is still in my iTunes library. But it only comes up on shuffle when I'm around people I would like to impress. 
  • When I was in the hospital, I technically died for a few seconds until they AED'd me back to life.  
  • I refuse to get a twitter until Tina Fey gives me a license for being funny enough to deserve one. 
  • I have this recurring nightmare of being chased by angry goats at a petting zoo. Eventually, they catch me, and I wake up just as they're almost finished eating my dress.

8 comments:

  1. i'm not one to comment…. but this is literally one of the funniest things i've ever read. like laugh out loud… "this is so good i have to read it to jace…" kind of funny. you're so great.

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  2. Hahaha!!!! Love the part about the newlywed game :)

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  3. This made me laugh. You are wonderful!

    And don't forget the other truth of, "I convinced people I was going to China on my mission." :P

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    1. Hahahaha you are so right!!! I am totally adding that right now.

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  4. This was hysterical, and can we please here the letter from Bill Clinton story? That's awesome.

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    1. Please HEAR. You'd think I don't know how to speak English, sheesh.

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    2. In second grade, I wrote Clinton a letter when I found out we shared the same birthday. To my overwhelming delight, he wrote me back! The letter talked about America, how he was glad we had the same birthday, and how he and his wife wished me well. HILARY AND I, it said. It has been a lifelong source of inner turmoil that such a letter could actually have been typed up by one of his interns...

      Also, this makes me want to dig up that letter and check it for grammatical errors or poor word choices.

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  5. oh my gosh, this is HILARIOUS!! You have quite the personality. I am so enthralled right now.

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