Thursday, August 16, 2012

Wedding Season Survival Tips

Don't get me wrong. Weddings are great. Love is great. No one hates marriage here.

In D.C. we had a literal pinboard of wedding announcements. It was fantastic. Haylee and I loved checking the mail and finding that sometimes shimmery, sometimes textured, always really thick envelope paper that no one sends out for any other reason. [I've got a thing for heavy paper. I think everyone does, to some extent.]


However, if you are a nearly graduated Single Lady of Provo who forgot to pick up a husband (or mission call) the summer before your senior year, you will inevitably have some 'splainin to do. Friends and family members are going to be wondering what your deal is.

This question will always come. It arises early because if you are dating someone, it's an easy thing to talk about. I'm as guilty as anyone else of trying to skip to the juicy personal stuff for good conversation fodder. 

But, as a Single Lady of Provo, when asked, "So, are you dating anyone?" know that you have a few options:

1.) You give a happy smile and quip, "No one in particular."
My friend Jenna (who ironically, occupied a spot on our Love Board this summer) developed this as the ultimate, "No, I'm not- but don't you think I spend Friday nights on my couch, either." Seriously genius.

2.) You stare off into the distance and say, "It gets better at BYU." [Kidding! Depending on how offended you are!]

3.) This is my personal favorite: You don't let people ask if you are dating anyone because you act like you are already married. Now YOU have the upper hand!

When someone changes their relationship status to "engaged" on facebook, don't just give a little thumbs-up. Assert your superiority with vague congratulatory phrases- or better, pieces of advice- that don't mention a spouse directly, but still imply you have one. Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

"Congratulations!! Being married is the BEST!"

"Honestly, it's hard adjusting during the first year but still SO worth it!!"

"I've never gone to bed angry and that's worked really well so far!!"

"I'm so happy for you!! Marriage has been the greatest blessing in my life."

"Let's double date soon! xoxoxo"

"Welcome to the married club!!"

In all the matrimonial bliss no one will really know what is going on. At the reception, don't wear a ring on your finger, but have one on a necklace. If anyone approaches you with a quizzical brow, don't panic. Big smile, big "WHAT?" and offer them a cream puff before they have the chance to say anything. 
Then high tail it to the dance floor.

8 comments:

  1. You are hilarious. I love your blog. This is all so true, and I've never thought about it before. Thank you for capturing your many wedding announcements.

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  2. The "No one in particular" has been my saving grace many a time. I love this!

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  3. hahaahaahhhahahah you're amazing, Lauren.

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  4. haha, funny as usual. "no one in particular" is now in my arsenal, thanks for that. one thought as i read this was this.. not only do you those of us in this situation have splainin to do, but also have to deal with more and more people wanting to set you up with someone. thus has been the case for me. people i don't even know have wanted to set me up (e.g. sister's husband's mother). good luck

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  5. I think Provo is the ONLY place in the U.S where it is shocking you are not married by your early twenties. My issue here is not hiding that I'm not mormonly married, but hiding that I am married. My husband is great and I'm very happy, but I have never been hounded about any personal decision so much as being married so young. Kudos to you Lauren for living independently!

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