So this is what the Middle Ages were like.

This is the end of Week 1 Without Internet. Our defense systems are crippled. It is impossible to do my homework correctly. It is also impossible to watch Hulu when I need a study break. It is impossible to look any worse than I already have been, staying on campus all day while fighting the plague that also ravaged our apartment this week. The change in the weather has made my face break out- but only around my mouth- so it looks like I'm suffering from herpes in addition to midterms and what is basically tuberculosis.

Speaking of which, I have to get tested for TB in two weeks and am already panicking. My cousin said it hurts so bad. Will I get so worked up that I cry? I have a solid history of being dramatic at (1) water parks, and (2) doctor's offices.

What if I test positive?? Will I be immediately hospitalized? Will friends gather 'round my bedside and sing me songs from Les Mis? If the Lifetime channel makes a movie about my race against the clock, will I still have enough time left to star in it? If I don't, could they get Emma Watson to play me? Will my roommates automatically get all A's when I die? (I heard that once.) Will my professors also give ME all A's, posthumously, raising my GPA to its former glory? Will BYU still print me a degree? Will all the unmarried men on campus experience at least one night of insomnia, where they lie awake in bed wondering if I was THE ONE! and if they just blew their eternal happiness by not betrothing me when they had the chance?!? Will I get to COME BACK TO PEOPLE'S DREAMS and give them advice on stuff they should do?! They can say all the things they wish they would have told me when I was alive and ask me questions about the afterlife, which I will only answer with a knowing wink! Or will I leave them clues throughout their dream and they will have to figure out what it means?! Would that turn everyone into Inception junkies and America would shut down because everyone would just want to sleep all the time to see what I'm going to tell them next?

Yes. Backspace the part about leaving scavenger hunts in dreams. That is an awesome idea that would have disastrous results. Redo: I will only show up RARELY in people's dreams, and when I do I will be very straightforward.

But maybe whenever someone says something really funny over the pulpit, you will hear a faint cackle swirling about the rafters of the chapel.

Oh, from whence is that soft breeze? the congregation will wonder. 

That tinkling laugh has an etherial musicality to it– and is not at all too loud, jarring, or inappropriately timed. 
Who does this remind us of?  

Oh! 

None other but sweet Lauren, 

with her serene temperament, clean language, and gentle sense of humor. 

How fortunate we are that her presence is gracing our meeting today! 
Gosh, she was the best.

This is the logical sequence of events I think of when told I will be tested for tuberculosis.

Ebay Blues

Not to brag, but I AM THE BEST THRIFTER IN THE WORLD.
[blatant lie.]
But I am skilled: I wore ugly clothes way before someone decided it was hip. In my younger years in Tennessee, my mom and I would wake up at 6 a.m. on Saturdays to go yardsaling. Today, the only clothes I have that people like to borrow are the gems that come from DI or Goodwill or some mecca of vintage polyester in LA.

So when I discovered that it is possible to thrift whilst never leaving my couch?!? I was overjoyed. Though I would never purchase anything just to get a package in the mail [also a lie], I soon realized that I was born for this kind of frumpy shopping.

There's only one kind of coat that I want for this fall. A brown tweed wool riding blazer with elbow pads and pockets and leather buttons and a low-V cut so there's room for a scarf. I really don't think that's too much to ask.

But what the heck, ebay?!???! These two beauties were the only ones that fit my qualifications (and budget.) I was always the first bid—only to be outbid at the last minute by some robot out there on the internet! In the second instance, only by a dollar! Come on, people! I was in class when the time limit expired! Plus, it is remarkably frustrating not knowing who it is I am mad at! I need a scapegoat! Just like I still need a tailored jacket! How many exclamation points will capture my rage in this paragraph?! Twelve!!

This one is my last bet. After this, I am done. Either I will win, or I will die alone in the snow on BYU campus.

Ebay, the choice is yours.

The Internship That's Not About Bunnies

In nine days I start my internship with the National Council for Adoption. Doing "media relations" and "shadowing their attorney on the Hill"- so basically, I have no idea either. We're just gonna let this thing fly.
Also, in case you were going to ask (again) "So what do you want to do after you graduate?"
my answer is still a vague but promising "Something awesome." Right now I have more important things to figure out. Things like how to work the D.C. metro and where to buy food.

Never having been a pregnant teenager myself, I actually have no experience with adoption. So how FORTUNATE that right before the semester ended I got to help a real-life orphan stay out of the system.

My friends found him underneath a car in the parking lot- named him Dobby and took him in- even though it was finals week and they really didn't have time to deal with a rabbit pooping all over their house. What good souls. Naturally, as soon as fb informed me of this I was at their front door with some carrots.

We tried to take Dobby for a walk (hop?)... the leash was made for a small cat but could also accommodate a rather large bunny. Turns out the reason Dobby is so large may be because he doesn't really like to jump around in the grass but likes very much to sit there and eat it.

Let's be honest: I am not an animal person. But that thing was like a stuffed rabbit, I tell you. It would just lie there in your arms and calmly wiggle its nose.
I was smitten.

Natter the Elementary Education Major.
"Just attach this photo to your resume and anyone will hire you."

Using my "social networking skills" that I bragged about in my application I started a marketing campaign (ie. status update) to save dear Dobby from the animal shelter.
As it happens, another girl I don't know adopted him first. But FOR THE RECORD, I did have a legitimate bunny-lover contact me after the fact.

What this experience has taught me is that successful adoptions can take place as long as you have
a) friends who are looking to 'add one more' to the family, or

b) friends who just can't say no to faces like this.

Congratulations on your new home, Dobby!!