Wedding receptions attended: 1
Friends who got married: 2
Friends who went FBO: 3
Friends who love tacos: 4
Friends who got engaged: 5
I love first impressions.
Apparently, it was a busy week. It warms my heart to see so many people I love so happy!
Hooray for more love!
Hooray for more bridal showers with scantily-frosted cookies!
Hooray for more beautiful pictures of girls in white dresses!
Hooray for Taco Bell! (Don't overthink this.)
Friday night I was catching up with my dear and hilarious friend Haylee at a local concert. (Her bf was out of town, so Jordan and Jake and I had her all to ourselves!) She made some comment about her significant other that sounded like either "things are serious"or "things are normal"- it was hard to tell which. When I asked for clarification, she emphatically responded,
"Oh my gosh. I would literally throw up if I were engaged!"
I laughed very loudly.
And then I gave her a bear hug.
Jordan and Haylee: Halloween 2011
Costume: Married Couple
Not dating in real life
"Brandon Davies?! I would have his illegitimate child ANY day of the week."
"One day my awkward children are going to have the biggest middle-school crushes on their genetically perfect kids."
"So when someone breaks into my house, how do I punish him? Do I kill his mule?"
"(chanting) Kill his mule! Kill his mule!"
"My mom is LITERALLY going to die.
Wait... that is not true at all.
My mom is literally going to be very excited. Her death is figurative."
"Why is it bands here are never ready to start on time? They get up on stage and ask 'Oh, does anyone have a guitar we can borrow?'"
"I just find it insulting that Yoplait thinks I don't notice or mind the difference between cinnamon-roll flavored yogurt and an ACTUAL cinnamon roll."
(Girl in parking lot drops bottle of ranch dressing.)
"SAVE THE RANCH!!
Wait! I forgot the window was down! Ahh they totally heard that. Pull a 40!"
My life is filled with very funny people. And lots of "you had to be there" moments.
Step 1.
You think of things you want to do. Anything. Everything.
ie. "This Valentine's Day, I want to snuggle up with someone in a blanket AND I want to go to a real movie theatre to see Channing Tatum the Vow."
Blurry phone picture! I had to prove we weren't kidding about the blanket.
Step 2.
You go out and you make those things happen.
It isn't rocket science, people.
However, due to the EXCESSIVE number of heart-to-hearts I've had with boys who think they ought to be engaged/married by now but aren't, here's some further insight on the subject:
Ask Yourself: Am I a genuinely weird person?
Answer 1:
"YES!! I live to LARP!"
In this case, congratulations- for we all know this makes you far more likely to repel most people away and quickly attract a spouse who is just as weird as you are. Before your friends and roommates know what's happening, off you will ride into the sunset with your beloved to go settle Catan.
Answer 2:
"Maybe? I have a few quirks but I don't video game until 2 a.m. every night, either. I play soccer/basketball/guitar and I do pretty well in school; on the whole, I'm a functional member of society."
In this case, welcome to the 99%.
The rule is, cool people end up with cool people. I know this because all my high-quality friends married other high-quality individuals. They are young, fun, happy, in love, etc. Things work out.
If YOU are a high-quality person, don't give up. There's a price that comes with being "picky." That price is occasional loneliness or boredom, but don't you start lowering the bar and trying to force things you don't feel. Just because you can date every girl on campus doesn't mean it's necessarily a good idea. Keep your head up and do what makes you happy.
When you see weird people get married, let it give you hope! It proves like nothing else can that truly, there is a lid to every pot. Be patient. Fret not. Have fun. If worrying about this was productive, I would say by all means- everybody come to my house for dinner tonight and let's panic about the future!! But really... freaking out won't change your relationship status. So there's no sense in wasting all your time and energy dwelling on it. Things happen when they happen.
Your Mormon-Ad message for today:
And just because I'm in the mood (and because it's killing me that I can't find my ipod ANYWHERE), here's your Kelly Clarkson message for today:
I'm still working on the "how" part, but believe me- it's going to be good. And it's definitely going to happen within the next decade, so I'm not going to be the one to tell you not to hold your breath.
Because it could also be tomorrow.
If I ever do weather again, I'll do a better job and post the video.
Also, I will not wear that sweater.
If there's anything I learned from Megamind, it is that everyone loves reporters. Especially ones who still have a hankering to chop all their hair off- even though they may not go on another date for the next three years until it grows back out to a reasonable length.
AND I have been practicing the ukulele for my Washington, D.C. debut. So the planets and all my ducks are pretty much in a line, as far as that goes. My big break is coming. I just want to be ready.
When I am famous, I will have a personal chef to prepare delicious meals for me that will be ready when I come home. LIke THIS asparagus grilled cheese.
Personal chef will also be responsible for SLR photo-documentation so my fans can glean insight into the beautiful lunches I eat.
Sometimes we will play "Chopped," a game in which I return home and start throwing random items out of my cupboard in a maniac fit. "Fruit Loops! Parsley! This gifted wheel of cheese!" and Personal Chef will have to deliver some delicious concoction to me within half an hour.
("Thank you for my cereal-crusted salmon with french bread and herbed cheese fondue, Personal Chef. That was delightful. We will resume with snacktime in two and a half hours.")
I will have a personal stylist who will take me to J. Crew, tell me I look good, and buy me things.
When I ask, "Gold sparkles?" Personal Stylist will always answer "Yes." (The same also goes for sweatpants.)
I am not crazy about pools. I mean, I am a GREAT layer-outer, but I can be slick with sweat and still not have the urge to jump in the deep end and douse my hair.
So when I am famous, I will probably not have a pool. But I will definitely have a pool boy. Most likely three. Since I won't have an actual pool to clean, their job will mostly consist of feeding me frozen grapes, fanning my neck, and serenading me on guitar in their swim trunks whilst I absorb my Vitamin D.
I saw this on a Pinterest bucket list. REALLY, people?? Way to shoot for the stars.
When I go to the Ellen DeGeneres show, I won't be dancing in the audience with the rest of you fools.
I will be dancing like a fool all by myself on stage. I will sit in the comfy interviewee seat. I will probably get pranked or start crying over a sloth or something, which you will later show to your friends and family via youtube and brag, "I was there when Lauren Simpson stuck that thing up her nose!"
As many of you may know, I have found my true calling this semester in my floral design class. It has spoiled me considerably. When I am famous, I will always have fresh flowers on my table. And also bowls filled with every different kind of M&M that exists.
When I am famous, I will have a giant library. And a balcony attached to it. With a hammock.
When I am famous, I will be a "regular" at Bikram Yoga. Other members of the class will be specially selected based on their ability to not whine while simultaneously not putting me to shame with their elastic spines.
The face that will one day grace your cereal box.
So if you want to get out your bathing suit and sweat towel now and start practicing... I'd say not a bad idea.
In case your day needs a little brightening... I have some recommendations. Today's categories:
Sports
ESPN's Not Top 10 of 2011.
Have we all seen this? Yes. Does it ever get old? Nope. Best pick-me-up ever.
(The video doesn't start until 0:15... but after that, it's golden.)
There is nothing that brings back such heartwarming memories of Young Women's basketball like seeing a desperate cross-court shot hurled with eleven seconds still on the clock. (Next to fouling, 3-point shots were my greatest contribution to the team. You can use your imagination on how that went down.)
Dance
Normally I don't really care about music videos. Or dance in general, out of spite that I have no talent for it. But this "murder victim on the sidewalk" thing is one of the cooler choreographed numbers I have seen. And not just because it's Adele. (Okay, maybe a little bit.)
Song
Claim to Fame: I totally CHATTED IT UP with Amy Whitcomb + band + groupies before Stadium of Fire this summer. At the time I didn't realize how good/famous she is (this was pre-Delilah)... I just liked her because she is super friendly and nice.
But just wait for the key change.
Funny
This category is so fantastic there are 3 winners.
I don't have a good excuse why I didn't know who Hamish and Andy were before this semester. But I want to do this so bad. All of it. If I ever get called as an FHE mom you can safely bet that every Monday night will be spent 3-step knick-knocking... Actually, when I have a family of my own that is EXACTLY what we are going to do.
(These didn't transfer well so it's better if I just give you the link.)
I know, I know. If you watched that last video you're probably like "Lauren, what the heck? You are seriously planning on training your young children to hide in strangers' front yards?"
The answer to that question is "OMGEee yes."
And now for everyone's favorite update:
I may or may not have screamed when I saw that little dot of green.
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